Slow and Steady Wins the Race....or it doesn't

Slow and steady wins the race.  Right?  Yeah, doubtful.  That was my attitude.  As much as I wanted to be the first to finish, I managed to continually come in last.  I was always a "bigger" kid.  I wasn't as fast or active as my siblings and though I loved ridding my bike, rollerblading, and running around the neighborhood with all of the other kids, I always seemed to be the slowest one around.  I came to accept this.

Then, one summer day, we decided to "hike" to the Timp. Cave up American Fork Canyon.  I don't remember the particulars on who was or was not there.  I think it was my mom, my brother Michael, sister Lizzie, my cousin Jimmy, and myself.  As we got to the paved trail hiking up the switchbacks on the side of the mountain, the other kids took off.  I longed to have their speed but I simply couldn't do it.  I just kept moving forward.  Eventually, my mom and I would catch up to them on the side of the trail, sitting in the shade, with a look of exhaustion on their faces.  I just kept moving forward.  The pattern continued:  they'd run ahead, stop for a break, and I would catch up and pass.
 

 I guess I was lucky that day because, while they were resting on a bench, I passed and reached the cave before any of them.  To this day, my mom tells this story and claims she always knew I would make an incredible endurance athlete.  I'd go months, even years, without running then run 8 miles and she would remind me that I was built to endure.  

Fast forward 12 more years to college.  For some crazy reason I decided to join the cross country team.  Yep, that's right!  It was a total joke!  First off, I had a good 35lbs on every other girl on the team.  Secondly, I'd never tried running fast in my life and at such short distances, 6 K, I wasn't even warmed up by the time the race was over, even if I ran it twice!   In fact, I ran in a regional race were I came in DFL!!  There were a couple hundred runners and I was dead last!!!!!!

 (NO PICTURE AVAILABLE)

And so my days of competitive running came to an end.  I was happy to run 5-10 miles a day all on my own.  Nobody watching.  Nobody noticing that my slow and steady was definitely not winning any races.  This was my life.  I would be the lone runner.  When people would ask if I ran I would tell them, not really, and let the conversation pass to another subject, ANY other subject.

My running got me through my first pregnancy.  It helped me get back into shape after.  It helped me with my second.  I would run 7 months pregnant and pushing a 18 month old in her jogger.   I moved to Oakley and just kept on running....slow and steady wins the race.

Six months or so after we moved to Oakley, I was invited to a "girls night" from some ladies in the neighborhood.   A group of them were training to run the Ogden Marathon.  To me one inquired, "Do you run Chelsea?  I heard somewhere that you did."  "Oh, not really," I replied.  "Well," she continued, "you should come out for a run with us sometime.  I just smiled and hoped the conversation would be forgotten.  I cant run with other people! Especially those who have been training for months!

The call came and I was asked to join.  With great apprehension, I agreed.  What had I gotten myself into??? I can't run 10 miles with other people!  I'll slow them down and say something stupid to boot.  But I went and I'll tell you what, it wasn't too bad.  The next week another invitation came.  This time 18 miles!  I hadn't run further then 10 miles since the birth of my second child and only once at that.  I decided to just do it and guess what, I was totally fine until about mile 16 when I fell back a bit, having only run a handful of times all winter.  A marathon?  Why not!  4 weeks later, I ran my first marathon, having only really run for a month.  It wasn't great, but it could have been a lot worse.  Five months after that, I ran my first ultra, 50 miles.  I just wanted to have fun so I didn't race at all.  Turns out my mom was right, slow and steady wins the race.  Did I win?  NO.  But I came in 2nd for the women and in the top 10 overall.   I had a lucky day.  Things came together.

So now I'm back at it after baby girl #3.  I've spent the past 5 weeks having the best time of my life playing in the mountains, meeting new friends, and loving every, often grueling, moment!   Am I the fastest? No?  Am I often the slowest?  Absolutely! But who cares!!  I never gave up.  Looking back at everything, I see that it isn't about winning at all.  It's not even about finishing.  It's about going over and beyond what you thought was possible.  It's about pushing yourself.  It's about giving all to your race, whatever that race is for you.  I've seen the best and smartest runners out there have a bad day and struggle to finish or not finish at all.  But what really matters is that they don't allow those moments to define them.  They go back out there and try again.

Playing on mountain tops:  Matt, Matt, Chelsea, Jennilyn and Kenzie

I realized I'd had the best time of my life "not training" for anything at all! So what am I going to do next?  I guess I'll run a 93K.  Will I win?  Chances are slim to none.  Will I even finish before the sun sets?  Possibly not.  Will I even finish?  I sure hope so.  But regardless of what happens out there, I wont give up.  I'll keep climbing my mountains!  I'll give it my best.  I may not win any actual races but I plan on winning the race that really matters, the race of life.  Everyday is a challenge.  Everyday brings obsticals we think we could never manage.  But I promise you, you can!  Put one foot in front of the other.  The only way you won't finish, is by standing still.  Slow and Steady wins the race!

Just keep going!  Me at Ragnar 2015

Refill My Soul

How do you measure the moments that bring life back into your soul?  The nights spent watching the moon rise over an unnamed peak by the shore of lake 10537 whisper quite words that shake you to your core.  Endless fields pass through the window of your '87 Loyal and the only sound is the Dylan or Niko Case writing etchings on your heart.  Everything else disappears into twilight. 

I float away, like a bird, gazing down on my life.  Three little girls giggle and I slowly fade into the background.  I hold onto those moments.  I remember...I must remember  because tomorrow may be filled with screaming children, chaos, constant demands, and clutter filling my home and my mind.  But if I wait to long to refill the cup, it becomes harder to reach out and grab the starry nights, almost impossible to find the peace, to find the reward.  And so I must again search in the "higher" places in the world but not of the world. 

It had been years since I had truly escaped into the mountains.  What was once my first place of refuge became almost forgotten; a distant memory.  I still felt passion for life.  I was on a cloud for months after the birth of my first two children.  The adrenaline and euphoria felt as I brought living, breathing life into the world kept me moving forward through sleepless nights and endless days.  It was as though I was running as fast as I could and the only sound I could hear was that of my shallow breaths.  But the mountains called to me and I finally had the courage to invite myself on an early morning run (aka power hike) up Mount Air.

Slowly, light filled the atmosphere and from the top of this very humble hill, the world seemed to expand farther then memory had served.  My legs ached, trying to remember their place as they pushed forward.  My heart beat, and my lungs expanded and I felt alive again, for the first time in a long time.

Ashley and Me: Mt. Aire PC Scott Wesemann

 I was home before 9 am.  My children scarcely knew I was gone and all day I couldn't hold back a smile.  What would usually set me off at home became trivial and I dealt with the situation with a certain ease.

I had to go back!  I had to find another trail, another peak, a lake or flower.   I wasn't fast.  I'd had my third child 6 months prior and it seemed especially difficult to find my footings, but I was pushing forward.  I hit several more peaks on my own in the early mornings but before long the rains set in and snow and ice covered the familiar paths.  A month or so passed and the only dirt my feet hit was the half a mile it took to get to the end of my unpaved road. 

I realized if I wanted to get out and feel that energy again, I had to go on my own.  But it had been years since I had spent so much time up those gnarly paths.  I'd lost my confidene.  What if I took the wrong line down and got stuck?  What if something happened to me.  Nobody would know where I was. 

I tried finding people who would go with me on my little adventures.  I asked friends and family, but they preferred running on roads over trails or had commitments that would not allow for such an early start time.  Due to my own social anxieties (I have a special set of quirks), I was afraid to reach out of my comfort zone and join in on group runs.  I hadn't run over 18 miles since before I got pregnant a year and a half ago and didn't know if I had the endurance necessary to keep up with anyone.  My once expansive knowledge of the mountains had dwindled into nothing and my speed.....don't even get me started on what happened there! 

Finally, I mustered up the courage to join a group up a peak I hadn't touched in years and once again, I was home.  Once again, I was able to find a peace of myself that had been lost in my commitment to others.  I am a wife and a mother first and foremost, but that is not ALL that I am.  I am not defined merely by my relationship to others.  I am an artist, an athlete, a friend.  I have a passion for music, for light and color, for simple beauty that is so often overlooked by others.  I laugh at jokes that others don't necessarily find funny.  I find myself sticking my foot in my mouth more then I should.  I question things and ideas.  I contemplate deeply.  I am ruled by my heart.  On these peaks and ridges those true parts of me are exposed and all fear escapes me.  I feel a rush, I feel a calm, I am home.

Moses, Isaiah, Nephi, the brother of Jared, all went into the tops of the mountains to speak with God. To fill my Soul, I go there also, "And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his ways, and we will walk in his paths" (Isaiah 2:3).

Mt. Olympus

Mt. Nebo